Writing is supposed to be cathartic, but I never have been good at journaling consistently.

I spend a lot of time alone in silence and the quiet is deafening. It heightens and magnifies my loneliness.

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Struggling

This is hard. I’m not sure what I expected it to be like, but I definitely underestimated how challenging this is.

We were so lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people back East that I had no clue that the rest of the world is not the same. Yes, I expected cultural differences but I didn’t anticipate the level of disconnect I experience on a daily basis.

keep a positive thought because a positive thought can not be denied

This mantra was painted in the wall of my second home as a youth, The CityKids Foundation, a non-profit youth empowerment organization that helped to shape and mold me into the person I am today.

At CityKids, I found a safe space where I could be all parts of me without worrying about being judged. It was in that hallowed basement, that I embraced and healed my fractured spirit.

And today, I’m using the lessons I learned at 57 Leonard Street to help navigate and process the grief, isolation and doubt that this move has unearthed.

Shaken

Wow. We have barely been here 2 months and we get hit with this. My stomach is in knots, I’m still shaking yet trying to be happy and calm wight eh kids. Every time the wind blows the tree, I have to resist the urge to grab the kids to duck and run. 

 

When will the anxiety cease? We are lucky to have zero injuries and no structural damage (that we’re aware of) to our home. I’m so grateful for our neighbors who came knocking on our door moments after it happened. They check on us periodically and are  giving us lots of hugs, even when their own homes are far worse off than ours. 

I knew that moving to California would be a new adventure but I was not prepared for this. 

I started this blog at the insistence and urging of some of my BK friends but I wasn’t very comfortable truly expressing myself in such a public forum, but thing have changed and the only way I can release these wild emotions is through here.

 

Going to go for a walk and do an early evening check in with my neighbors. Stay tuned

It’s only the second week of school and we have received 2 notes home. Moving across country has been extremely difficult for us all, but my son is having an extremely hard time settling in.

I know that this too shall pass, but it breaks my heart to see him floundering. I am trying to be the best advocate for him, but navigating IEPs and learning the nuances of an new school district and it’s bureaucracy has been a huge challenge.

Every morning as he heads into class, my heart seizes with fear. I pray that his anxiety relents and that his true personality shines through. He is such a sweet, funny and gentle soul. Once the kids see him for who he truly is, they’ll love him.

I thought parenting would get easier as they grow older, but it’s just the opposite. Sleep deprivation is nothing compared to this agony…

Our Stuff is here!

Adjusting to California living has been really hard for me. Especially pacing the floors of our practically vacant home with two little ones lacking friends or things to do.

And now, I wish I could eat those words as I am swimming in a sea of boxes, laundry and stuff.

Some of the things meant for donations and textile recycling made it’s way into that ginormous truck! Like a box of open cat litter for the cat we re-homed in Brooklyn. Oh and my water bottle that I was drinking out of on moving day. It was half full!!!!

And now I begin the great purge/ decluttering post move. I think we’ll have the best welcome to the neighborhood garage sale that Napa has ever seen!